Season 1, Episode 016: Blurred 280

season 1 of raconteuse radio

Guilliean reads three of her poems; read along with the poems while you’re listening!

Music: Difficult Decisions from ZapSplat.

Interstate 280

Another breakfast alone
Won’t wash the bed sheets
Can’t lose the scent of your cologne
These words will dry on their own
All these things that I’ve done

Blurred

For Simba

Like back in the day, all these emotions make me numb
     Time has lost all sense of propriety
         Food tastes like the ghost of a cloud
I miss you, and I don't know what to do
Everything is blurred, crumpled foil
Tossed into the bin like yesterday's news
I can't resist looking out the window
           Hoping to see you there

I wish I had more time, to hold you close, to cry
     My memory of you is mucked up
     No matter how hard I try
Not sure how to move on
Other than pretend to smile
Fake it 'til I make it
       Plaster on that mask put on my armor
   Senselessly Moving Queen on a chessboard
I want freedom from the pain.

I bite back those tears
when I hear your song on the radio
      Or any ballad, sad instrumentals, at this point
Burning tears pierce my eyes like the nails on His cross.
       I wish I was there so that you didn't leave this world alone
Wish he told me the moment he thought you wouldn't make it
So many wishes left unfulfilled in the short amount of time

I hope to heal my damaged heart soon enough
Undertaken so many beatings these almost thirty years
             I promise that you'll live on
In that broken corner of my soul
     With everyone else, I've lost.

Stay tuned for a VERY SPECIAL announcement at the end!

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Guilliean Pacheco (she/her) is a writer and editor of Filipino heritage and the host of the City of Writers podcast. Her work has appeared in TechTarget, Nevada Humanities, and Helen: A Literary Magazine. She has an M.F.A. in Writing from the University of San Francisco and is an Anaphora Arts poetry fellow. She’s a misplaced California girl who lives in Las Vegas normally, if one could call living there normal, on Southern Paiute land. Follow her on Twitter.

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